Linda A. Kaye, LMHC, CAP
specializes in the treatment of anxiety, depression, relationship issues, substance abuse,/addiction, weight management, menopause, and coping with medical illnesses.
Linda is also a Certified Addiction Professional. (954) 583-8831 Ext. 370
The Art of Listening
True listening, or showing others that you understand them, is the most important step in the dance of communication. Sometimes during an emotionally charged exchange two people are trying to get their point across without awareness that neither is listening!
Active listening can be considered as a form of meditation in which you clear your mind of all thoughts and steer your attention entirely on another person. There are several tools that help in increasing the concentration necessary for true listening.
- 1. Non-verbal communication such as eye contact, and encouraging the other speaker by saying "go on".
- 2. Focus on the speaker, rather than what you are thinking about your next question or statement.
- 3. Rephrase what has been said to you by simply asking, "Let me understand, are you saying...?" This helps to clarify the other's point and communicates understanding. This can take communication to an increased level of intimacy.
- 4.Validate the other's feelings that contribute to a feeling. Saying " I can understand what you are feeling... because..." It is interesting to discover the cause behind another person's "emotional logic" that will uncover their useful or unhelpful beliefs. Validating produces a climate of non-judgment and lowers the possibility of defensiveness.